What purposeful living has taught me about ‘re-parenting my inner child’

‘Re-parenting your inner child’ is a phrase that has entered my social circles more and more frequently over the latter years. Both in real life and digitally. And I am proud to say that I am no longer trying to figure out how I adopt it as a tangible in my own world. I am doing it.

Months deep into therapy (the second and much more prepared time may I add).

Many tears.

Hundreds of steps forwards, and what feels like thousands back.

Hours reckoning with my dark parts.

Many ‘imma stay in bed cause I can’t face the world’ days.

(I even started a whole new journal, how bloody excited.)

But all of that and I have FINALLY reached that internal reservoir of life… my inner child!

I was recently taught that in order to make way for new emotions we have to make space. To go through all those old emotions that we never had a chance to process. To work THROUGH past pain so it doesn’t hinder future enjoyment.

Amidst learning that lesson in real-time I also began to recap on a previous life lesson. That spending time with children will bring you great peace if you let it.

I have five nephews and nieces. And the youngest girl is much like I was as a child. (A fellow Gemini too). I actively strived to free up more time to be around her last year and our time together genuinely brought me an abundance of joy.

And overall it took me back to what I had been attempting to do for a long while on my healing journey. ‘Re-parent my inner child’.

In a similar way that you must release pain to make way for new emotions. In order to truly show up for others, you must first ensure your own cup is overflowing!!!

I am sharing this post, not to advise, as I am not entirely sure how to offer advice to someone on a part of the journey so personal, but as a method of transparency. As much as we as humans may desire to complete things alone. As far as the old Nigerian proverb goes “If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far, go together”.

And word to Sounds of blackness because I am indeed ‘going all the way this time!’

Talking openly about my experiences has honestly been the step that has reaped the most rewards. Society is set up in a way where the pace and pre existing norms often lead us away from the inner work. We convince ourselves if we ignore the pain it will leave or that we don’t have time to handle emotions as precarious as we know the ones that are lurking deep within.

But my water placements have ALWAYS forced me to recognise my emotions. I feel everything to my core in a way where the only escape is sleep. And lets face it as much as I’d like to at times, I cant sleep my entire life away!

But yes over the last several months the more I let go of the shame that seems to be attached to pain, healing and trauma and spoke about my experiences. The more I felt a sense of lightness. That emptying out of the past and opening myself up to the new and unknown.

If you know me on a personal level. You know my nature is to be kinda private. But the longer you know me the more layers I reveal. I tried to dash that out last year. That was a safety measure I had adopted, I guess as a survival technique. ‘Don’t let anyone know too much about you and they can’t later use it as ammo against you’. Was a mindset I was familiar with.

But it was becoming more and more of a hinder-unce. I’d stick to very few people when it came to sharing things i deemed personal and when i thought they didn’t have the capacity to show up for me or room for my baggage too (which is a growing occurrence in the current chaotic climate of life) i’d suppress my emotions. Until I realised that I was becoming detached. All the suppression was lead me to (depression) and to a very isolated space.

I’d never tell people what I was really feeling. (I would rarely even admit it to myself.) So everyone would assume I was good even when I wasn’t. Then I’d isolate myself more because I felt as though I was misunderstood. It was a cycle. And for me talking helped me break it.

There’s a lot more to this whole process as I said, but this post is more about me venting I guess.

To conclude. All of these musings and pretty words are to explain that the more time I spent in deep reflection on my life the more I remembered a time when pain didn't feel synonymous with my existence. My childhoold. I started to examine pictures of myself and ask my close family about what I was like, I started to remember things about little Dee too. And I realised my heart's desire was simply to renew some of that innocence that life had washed away.

The little me who would call people out on their bs when it was encroaching upon my own peace.

The little me who loved to eat, sing, dance and pose.

The little me who reminded my loved ones how much I loved them as many times as I thought it.

The little me who knew one day I wouldn’t be little and my experiences and dreams would make me a BIG deal.

I remind myself of little me often. I try to be more like her and probably most importantly I try to treat myself like her. No harsh critique and unfair judgement, just softness and grace, understanding and compassion.

So yeah, re-parenting my inner child. It’s a trip. But right now I’m kinda loving it.

Each and every one of the songs beneath have been a friend and a place of safety in the times when my emotions during this time have been intense and felt endless.

Shaé Universe //111 — A reminder that there’s no rush for perfection. I am quite literally where I need to be!

Adele // My little love — An ode to breaking generational curses. The more I work on myself, the less others have to be a victim of my pain and thus we can make more time for the good life.

Survivor // Popcaan — Cause I am just that. Like many of us I have experienced some crazy things and I never let it change my character. I just press on harder to the goal.

Nipsey Hussle// Perfect ten—

“That’s the only distinguishing quality from me and probably whoever else goin’ through this
Or went through this, or is gonna go through this
Is that I ain’t quit
I went through every emotion
I went through every emotion with tryna pursue what I’m doing”

Ain't that the truth! We ain’t quitting. If we’re breathing we’re going again, harder even! We get knocked down, challenged, thrown of course and we just come back more determined with a clearer plan.

Lecrae & Tori Kelly // I’ll find you — If it wasn’t for my faith in God. I’d not be here. No doubt. Everyday I thank God for loving me and guiding me through this realm.

I hope my experiences expressed through these words can help and encourage someone. As humans, we’re in this together. It’s been getting dread in Babylon… but a suh it guh!

Dee x